Running A Business With Anxiety
*This was originally a humble little instagram post but now it’s a whole damn blog post
Buckle up b*tches. This post talks about quitting anxiety medication. While also running your own freelancing business. If that doesn’t interest you or you feel it may trigger you then of course, scroll ahead 💜 *I’m ALL FOR protecting that inner peace!
It’s the 1st of August and while I was dragging my smokey Palo Santo stick around my bedroom (I know it’s not magic but it’s how it makes me FEEL that counts, okay?) I realised that this month it’ll be 6 months since I stopped my medication! I haven’t let myself really ‘cheer’ that fact until today because I feel like I am finally in the clear.
For those of you who are new here, I mean antidepressants for postpartum depression and severe anxiety. I was diagnosed and subsequently medicated when our twins were 10 months old.
I haven’t really talked about it since that initial post - because I didn’t want to. But some people have asked me about my experience weaning (how specifically I did it and how I felt) and I realise now that it might be comforting to some people to hear that experience from me. So I’m leaving it here for you to find it.
As I mentioned to those people who messaged me privately, I was unsuccessful at weaning off my medication the first time. Meaning, I couldn’t cope and I went back on them. I waited about 2 years before attempting to wean again. SILLY ME still had 2 x CLINGY, SLEEP-AVERSE BABIES AT HOME so of course that wasn’t the best timing. Which leads me to my first point (see below)
HERE’S WHAT I WISH SOMEONE HAD TOLD ME THE FIRST TIME:
Do you believe the ‘problem’ that you took medication for, in the first place, has resolved? If “No”, why are you putting pressure on yourself to come off right now?
What are your alternative strategies? Mine were: excerising every day, avoiding alcohol, clearing my schedule - I did the bare minimum in life for 2 weeks. I booked some sessions with a psychologist too, read some books (pics below) & told my immediate family members to be patient with me. While my two toddlers couldn’t give a flying f*ck that “mummy feels fragile” (lol) my husband at least made every attempt to cushion my landing.
Reminded myself that things will go wrong and ‘bad stuff’ will continue to happen.
When I say ‘cleared my schedule’ I want to clarify some things. I work two jobs. Half of the week I work for a Brand doing their content creation in-house. The other half of the week I work in my business and do freelance content creation for various Brands. So, I kept doing my part-time job during all of this but I stopped my freelance work. This meant that instead of working every day in some capacity, I was only working 3 days a week. Yay
HERE’S HOW IT LOOKED FOR ME
Obviously, I saw a doctor first and asked what was the most gentle way to start to wean. I’m sure you know already but it’s really important to gently come off medication like this and not just stop cold turkey. A screenshot is above of the schedule I followed. Obviously, you know that I am no doctor. So use this as a guide to help you but don’t forget to talk to your Doctor about your unique circumstances.
To cut to the chase, I felt really sick for the first 4 days with withdrawal symptoms. 4-hourly ibuprofen and a few naps helped!. After that, I felt the worst was over and life felt fairly normal or the same as it always had. I did however feel emotional and ‘fragile’ for about 3 months. A few things happened in this time that really RATTLED me but luckily I had great psychologist & I talked through those things with her.
There’s a book I read years ago that’s full of ‘coping strategies’ and it’s called The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris if you’d like to read it too. I think of it as a “psychologist-session-in-a-book”. My wonderful life coach from a few years back recommended it to me & I’ll be forever grateful. One other book worthy of a mention is Lost Connections by Johann Hari which delves into the scientific research of how these medications work and statistics of how often they do their job (that is, successfully treat mental health disorders).
HOW I RUN MY BUSINESS NOW
While I don’t generally have an issue with anxiety or depression now, I do of course have moments where I still experience these feelings (like most people do). I am constantly monitoring my workflow because this is the biggest factor to my anxiety. When I feel I am doing too much, I don’t take on any more jobs until I’ve caught up and am feeling better. Then I carefully take on 1 or 2 new things at a time. This is something you will figure out through trial and error in your own business. Being a freelancer, I am fortunate to be able to pick up and slow down my workload as I need and this works well for me. I’m also stricter now with switching off my phone when I’m not within my work hours & setting those boundaries.
Like I’ve said before, there’s no pressure to come off anything that makes you feel better and that which gives you a better quality of life! Especially those of you who take it for complex issues 💜 I’m only talking to the small group of people who, like me, have needed it for a temporary hardship. I noticed the medication had stopped working for me because I was still feeling highly anxious at times and really low at others. I also felt my life was finally easier so I figured, why not!?
That’s all I feel like sharing for now but I hope that if you feel in a similar position to me, some of these things have helped you!
x Bec